5 Tips for Developing a Strong Parent-Child Relationship

Building any relationship takes work, and your parent-child relationship is no different and is one of the most critical ones that you’ll ever form. Below are ways to help you and your child create meaningful bonds now and for years to come.

Encourage Open Communication

Let your child know that he can always come to you for help. This can be as simple as just listening to a problem he’s facing or helping him solve something he’s struggling with. You don’t have to have all the answers—just being present and available shows him that you value your parent-child relationship and that you’re there when he needs you. If your child wants to talk, try to stop what you’re doing and be present, even if you’re in the middle of something. By getting your full attention, your child will know that he can come to you for help and you’ll make him a priority.

Listen and Empathize

As parents, we may think we have all the answers to our children’s problems. But often what children need is a just listening ear and to be reminded they’re not alone. You may not really understand what your child is feeling, but do your best to be empathetic. Empathy is simply connecting to another person’s emotions. You don’t have to feel sorry for your child, but instead acknowledge that his feelings are valid. We all want to know that our feelings matter and that someone cares, and what better person than a parent?

Make Time to Connect

Try to check in with your child for 10 minutes every day. If you have more than one child, make it a priority to spend 10 minutes a day with each one. If you can make it longer, even better. The key is to provide one-on-one time so that he knows he’s a priority. Bedtime is great for giving your child the opportunity to share anything he might want to talk about. You might also try giving everyone in your family the opportunity to share their highs and lows of the day at dinnertime. Carving out time every day to connect, listen, and empathize will build your parent-child relationship little by little.

Consider scheduling a special “date” with your child for some one-on-one bonding. It could be as simple as a bike ride or a trip to the bakery for a treat. You don’t always have to be the one to do the planning—letting your child plan it is a great way to show you care about and respect his interests. Whatever you do together, your child will love having your full attention and your parent-child relationship will benefit from the time you spend together.

How Best to Deal with Big Emotions

It’s unavoidable. Sometimes your child will feel angry, sad, frustrated, or some other negative emotion. It’s difficult to watch him struggle and experience pain but helping him learn how to handle these emotions will help build your parent-child relationship and the relationships he has with others.

Identify Your Feelings.

When you name your feelings, your child learns how to identify those same feelings when he experiences them. You can say things like, I’m frustrated that I burned the pancakes. I’m angry that traffic is so bad and now we’re going to be late for soccer practice. I am excited for grandma to come visit! I am nervous about a presentation I have to give at work.

Show Healthy Ways to Deal with Feelings.

You can teach your child to draw a picture or write in a journal as a way to vent when he’s upset or sad. You can explain that when you feel nervous, you close your eyes and take deep breaths, and it makes you feel better. The goal is to raise a child who can regulate his feelings, knows how to ask for help when he needs it, and doesn’t fall apart when life gets hard. These skills will help him develop healthy relationships for the rest of his life.

Normalize Having Big Feelings.

Everyone has big feelings. By identifying your feelings and showing healthy ways to deal with them, you are teaching your child that it’s normal and okay to feel all kinds of feelings. It’s how you respond to them that is important. Throwing a fit, hurting someone else’s feelings, and lashing out are not good ways to cope with big feelings. Modeling the right ways to respond will help your child have a stronger and more peaceful parent-child relationship and healthier relationships with others in his life.

Say “I Love You” Often

This one is key to building a healthy parent-child relationship! It is often implied that we love our children, but be sure to tell them every day, no matter what age they are. Make it a priority to give your child a gentle, loving touch (such as a hug) every day, several times a day.

This one may seem obvious – but remember that smiling and making eye contact are physical reminders that you care. It sounds like such a simple thing, but sometimes our actions can be as important as our words. It’s these small, daily things that build your parent-child relationship.

Be Kind to Yourself

You are your child’s model for how to do pretty much everything in life. That sounds like a lot of pressure but it doesn’t mean you have to do everything perfectly.

We may have an image of the perfect parent-child relationship in our mind and wonder if we’ll ever measure up to that ideal. It may be tempting to compare yourself to other parents and wonder whether you’re doing enough to build your healthy parent-child relationship. This is completely normal, but it’s okay to give yourself a little grace and remember that no one can be a perfect parent 100% of the time. The good news is that even when you aren’t at your best, your child has an opportunity to watch you and learn how to respond in healthy ways.

What matters most when it comes to nurturing your parent-child relationship is that you try to do the best you can. Taking small steps to connect, be present, listen, and show your child how much you love him will add up to a happy, healthy parent-child relationship and a happy, healthy child.